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I was thinking...
And I realized something.
I don't care anymore. If I were given the power to change whatever I wanted in the world, I wouldn't change anything at all. Why? Am I happy? No. I'm paranoid, psychotic, and manic-depressive. I have enough mental pain and disturbance that any happiness is just a temporary condition at this point. I don't care. Most people would end cancer, they would bring world peace, end world hunger. I simply can't be asked to care anymore.
I think I'm gone. I think I'm emotionally dead. Or just dead. It feels so empty, sometimes it hurts, but I really just don't care.
I dream in color, I see blood. I see ponies, but I hurt th
feeling down
I'm too lonely..
I mean, I can't focus on anything at all because i keep thinking about just holding someone i care about. It's been so long and it's just fucking with my head. I'm not sleeping well, so i'm hearing and/or seeing things most of the time, and i've become paranoid, too.
I just really need somebody. I can't focus on school work, i can't focus on my already shitty art, i can't focus on games, i can't focus on shooting, i'm just not there anymore.
sigh...
I'll stop now, before i decide that i'm worthless and delete all of my deviations and close the account.
Devious Journal Entry
I was writing a short fic based loosely on the Luna Game series, when i decided, hey, maybe i should write about the psychology of Pinkie.
yes/no?
wtf is sleep, again?
yeah
i didn't sleep last night, at all
i just couldn't do it
i'm emotionally fucked up
don't expect much of me soon
© 2012 - 2024 DrowningInTheStars
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